i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
