Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
