i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
