Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
