ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
