Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
