I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
