Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
