I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
