So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize