I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
