roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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