My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
