Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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