There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
