Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
