Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
