I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
