I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize