Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
