goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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