Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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