whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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