they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
