She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
