i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
