i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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