sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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