are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
