Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
