just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
