Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
