News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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