I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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