Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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