I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
