You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
