You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
