hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am naked and annoyed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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