This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
