And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
