I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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