Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
