Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
