I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
