and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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