I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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