I need help removing her.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize