So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
