eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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