Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
