Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
