i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
