I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
