well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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