New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize