Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
