I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
