I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
