Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Houston, we have a squirter
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize