I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
