Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
