a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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