my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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