if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize