she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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