I have demons in me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
