She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
