Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
no you cant smoke seaweed
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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