I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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