true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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