yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
