He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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