Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
