he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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