Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
