I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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