well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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