She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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