He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Drake has all the answers
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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