When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
