i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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