Your mouth is God's brothel.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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