get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
