i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
