maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
