i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
