Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We need to get me chipped asap
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
