I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
