just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
