hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
