remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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