Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
