Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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