chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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