Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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