I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
