billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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